IN UNIFORMS WE TRUST
Welcome,
dear good people,
Welcome,
Welcome,
Welcome
and
welcome once more
to
the Back-To-School Fashion Show
of
Monotony Elementary School.
We
promise
YOU,
dear
audience,
a
great big extravaganza
with
a brand spanking-new twist!
An
extravaganza that'll rip
the
skin right off your hide
with
its remarkable display
of
dedication to the cause of unity
and
unyielding fealty to all High Authorities
and
every Exalted Authoritarian.
First
up we have young Johnny Kip,
attired
in a plaid school uniform
of
black gray and white
with
freshly shined police department
patent
leather shoes
plus
white shirt, a black tie with
cube-shaped
stickpin
and
military cuff links on each sleeve.
And
did you get that pout!
That
stone cold military pout
unyielding
and undaunted.
What
a fine example he's setting
for
all you young fellows.
Let's
have a round of applause
for
Johnny Kip!
Next
we have Mary Sue.
Oh
look at our sweet little Mary Sue,
dressed
in a plaid school uniform
of
black gray and white
plus
white shirt, with gray ascot
bow-tied
around the neck
and
skirt of black gray and white plaid
to
retard tomboyfoolery and provide
winter
air conditioning
Gray
socks
and
black-on-white saddle shoes.
Look
at the shine on her face,
looks
like it's still being applied
right
now.
Remember
dear girls
just
how much of an example
our
little Mary Sue has set for you.
Let's
hear it for our own Mary Sue!
(And please refrain from paying any
attention to the violent sounds of
paddling that are about to be heard.)
Now
here are Mr. and Mrs. Stern with
the
Monotony School Scouts.
Just
look at them!
Not
one wrinkle on a single uniform!
Not
one hint of a grin on their faces!
Not
one hand or foot misplaced so much
as
an inch!
And
those matching bullwhips Mr. and Mrs.
Stern
are holding.
Mighty
impressive bullwhips;
they
tell me the handles are pearl- and
marble-plated.
My!
such dedication to the
sanctity
of conformity.
Oh!
they're signaling that
they're
ready to proceed.
Very
well, folks---
Hit it!
CRACK!
CRACK!
CRACKCRACKCRACK!
CRACK!
CRACK!
CRACKCRACKCRACK!
ONE!
TWO!
THREEFOURFIVE!
ONE!
TWO!
THREEFOURFIVE!
LOCK!
STEP!
LOCKSTEPLOCK!
LOCK!
STEP!
LOCKSTEPLOCK!
Well!
Was
that great
or
was that great!
Those
scouts whipped well into shape
in
perfect order and solidarity!
And
what flavor those whips added!
Oh
how serious they all looked.
How
indicative of Herculean
effort
and grit.
Let's
hear it for Mr. and Mrs. Stern!
That's
it, good show!
Well,
that's all for now, folks
but
be sure to join us next time
for
a multitude of goodies
in
our next attraction!
For
now, though,
good
night,
good
unity,
and
good obedience
to
all you little absorbers!
(Let's be careful out there,
it's still not safe at all
and they oh SO promised too darnit!
And can we
puh-LEEZE
mop up these
puddles of blood
and tears?
Geez someone might think
we're pushing them
too hard.)
(C) 1995
Garrett Murphy
